Whoever said that (I believe it was Talib Kweli or some Rapper) is a liar, because it isn’t.
Struggle isn’t beautiful.
There’s nothing beautiful about being unemployed.
Nothing beautiful in having to claim benefits, degrading Yourself by sitting amongst the great unwashed every two weeks when You have to sign on and justify the fact that ‘yes I am actively looking for work’.
Is it really ‘beautiful’ when You can no longer afford the repayments on Your Car or the Insurance?
Wishing that the Postman skips Your house, screening Phone calls.
That’s beautiful right?
Lying to Your Family to save Your own shame and Your Mother’s pride.
Yeah…I feel like a fucking beauty Queen.
Logging on to the same sites, seeing the same jobs. Applying, hearing nothing.
Driving 358 miles for the perfect job; acing the Interview, being told from the Horses mouth that they were ‘very impressed’, and finding out that the script of that whole new Life of prospect and promise that You wrote Yourself into, isn’t going to happen.
That’s pretty right?
Don’t ever tell me that Life is a beautiful struggle, because for me right now, it’s anything but.
Struggle is a dark place.
It’s a place where almost everyday I envision ways in which I don’t have to be here anymore. So the Phone will stop ringing and the Postman won’t have to deliver anymore letters of a Red hue.
So I can permanently avoid the looks and not have to remember who knows what.
So my Mother doesn’t have to endure this extra bit of disappointment about Her first born.
So that I don’t have to deal.
Because I can’t.