Ever heard the phrase ‘Pre pregnant’? Me neither until a few days ago.
I was reading a piece from The Washington Post opinion page about motherhood being an all-encompassing role that all women should aspire to and make it their life’s work to prepare for.
*insert side eye here*
The assumption that all women want to be Mothers and should behave and be treated as ‘Moms in waiting’ is…rude. The term Pre pregnancy refers to the notion that from the very day a woman starts menstruating, she should treat her body as a shrine to pending motherhood and maintain a regular diet of folic acid, limit alcohol intake, don’t smoke and avoid ‘risky’ sexual behaviour.
All that doesn’t sound like my idea of fun, and to be quite honest, the notion that this is all I’m here for and all I’m expected to do just doesn’t sit well with me.
I was always a very independent child, never one to totally toe the line, so to tell me to hypothetically shelve my own needs for the sake of a being that may it may not appear at some point in my fecund years? No. Never. Not happening.
According to research in America, most women who are sexually active are taking some form of contraceptive, and goes as far as saying that at least 25 years of our lives are spent avoiding parenthood.
The second most popular choice of contraception after the Pill is Sterilisation, and the term ‘childless‘ has been replaced by the more user-friendly, ‘child-free‘ as increasing numbers of women turn to more long term methods of keeping babies at bay.
I for one don’t feel the absence or void of a child in my life right now or ever; the lack of desire to bring forth of my loins possibly being the reason why my cousin once told me that I was selfish for not furnishing my parents with grandchildren.
I value my freedom and my independence way too much to be irresponsible enough to raise a child with no money, no stability and be living in my childhood bedroom. I can’t be about that life. In my world that’s not the correct order of things.
Back when I was in a (seemingly) committed relationship, yes children were most definitely an option, but now the door on that chapter has been closed and hermetically sealed, in my head, right now? It’s not happening. That ship has done set sail and gone way off into the sunset!
That’s not to say that it will never happen…one day my King will come, but I’d be stupid if I decided to hold my breath or sit up in a tower waiting on him to arrive.
There’s not even a plan to go it alone either. I haven’t made a pact with a platonic male friend to impregnate me should the time come (because I don’t have one), and I’m not even thinking about getting my bits poked, extracted and frozen for future use.
There just isn’t a burning desire or need for me. My biological clock is either lost, I never had one or I’m deaf to the sound of it!
I love kids and I’ve grown up with younger cousins to help raise and look after, I have beautiful god children whom I adore, but it’s such a wonderful feeling to be able to relinquish that responsibility and give them back!
And I don’t think that’s selfish either; sensible on my part and justified too.